Fleagles Explode for 4 TDs in 4-0 Shutout of Slurpy Slimeballs

 The Filthasmellfia Fleagles celebrated their largest scoring output of the UKBBL season with a dominant 4-0 shutout of the Slurpy Slimeballs nurgle squad. The Fleagles got 3 touchdowns from gutter runner DeVermin Sniff, while A.J. Brownrat chipped in the fourth. Most surprisingly perhaps, the team was able to hold its own blocking against the much stronger squad, only suffering 4 injuries and knocking out stand-out rotspawn Burth “the Tick,” even with rat ogre Ani-Mal Dankrat sitting out the game with a bruised tail.

Brownrat scores the Fleagles 4th TD of the game 

“This is what this team can do when things are going right,” said Fleagles Coach Nickon Spearinme after the match. “When the rats are picking up the ball and dodging like that, they can really fill up the scoreboard. Of course, when they’re not, they can really fill up the casualty box.”

Despite the one-sided final score, the game began dangerously for the Fleagles, as a brilliant defensive maneuver by the Slimeballs nearly led to a turnover. After thrower Skenny Snickett grabbed the opening kick, he settled back in the pocket deep in Filthasmellfia territory, and his gutter runners flared out toward the sidelines waiting for the Slimeballs slow-moving bloaters and rotspawn Burth to move forward.

The Slimeballs, however, held their ground, and as the clock ticked down to the midpoint of the half, Filthasmellfia was forced to move forward. Surrounded by blockers and with Brownrat nearby ready to take a hand off, Snickett moved toward midfield, as two more gutter runners spread wide ready to go up field on pass routes.

Once Snicket and his blockers were in striking distance, Burth and two of the Slimeballs bloaters trundled forward. As one bloater took down a blocker by slamming his open-sore-covered belly into the line-rat’s snout, Burth slithered into the opening and began threatening Snickett with his tentacles. The skaven thrower turned to hand the ball to Brownrat, who was unmarked and could easily escape up field. But something was clearly wrong.

Instead of reaching out his hands to take the ball, Brownrat stared at Burth’s swirling tentacles and the puss weeping from the many open sores on the two bloaters. Frozen with disgust and repulsion, the wide-eyed gutter runner merely muttered, “the horror” over and over again.

Snickett looks for help from other players, as it’s clear Brownrat is not going to be able to take the hand off and Burth’s tentacles threaten to make dodging away impossible.

“Yeah, that one’s on me,” said Coach Spearinme. “I know their ‘disturbing  presence’ is one of the main ways these nurgle fellas play defense, but I thought skaven were immune. I mean, look at these rats. How do they kiss their little rodent kids goodnight at the end of the day if they can be disturbed by someone’s appearance?”

Shrewdly recognizing that the hand-off was a bad idea—and that trying to dodge away from Burth’s tentacles was an even worse idea—Snickett quickly called an audible and waved over linerat Jake Smelliot and blitzer Bratdon Grime.  In a risky maneuver, they crowded around Burth and the bloaters so they could put together a chain-push, blocking a bloater into Snicket into to push him away from Burth.

After breaking free, Snickett was able to escape the pocket and hand the ball to DeVermin Sniff, who raced along the western sideline into Slimeball territory. With the clock ticking down, the only chance for a score was for Sniff to put his snout down and sprint up the sideline, dodging a Slimeballs’ rotter lineman and pestigor along the way.

“That was some real skaven BS right there,” said Spearinme proudly during the postgame press conference. As the scribes chuckled and Spearinme looked confused, they then asked him if he knew what BS stood for. “Of course, I do,” the confident coach said. “BS stands for ‘bold strategy.’”

DeVermin Sniff dodges a pestigor’s would-be tackle on his way toward an unlikely TD

The Fleagles’ ‘bold strategy’ only grew bolder and continued to pay-off in the second half. Kicking deep, the Fleagles repeatedly charged up-field to try to cut-off the ball carrier from his blockers. A failed hand-off here, a failed pick-up there, and a fireball from the wizard the Fleagles hired for the match all paid off, leading to 3 scoop-and-score touchdowns for Sniff and for Brownrat.

As if that weren’t ‘bold’ enough, one drive even included Smelliot knocking out Burth when the hulking rotspawn fell on him after a particularly violent block. As the two flopped about on the pitch, apparently one of Burth’s own tentacles wrapped around his throat cutting off his oxygen until he lost consciousness.

“When you score four touchdowns and a skaven linerat knocks out a rotspawn, you know you you’re doing something right,” said Coach Spearinme. “I just wish I knew what it was so I could do it every time we take the field.”

Fleagles Bashed and Beaten by Ol’ Rascals in 2-0 Shutout

The Filthasmellfia Fleagles dropped to 2-2-2 on the season in a disappointing shutout at the hands, paws, and fists of the Ol’ Rascals. The Ol’ Rascals underworld squad got two touchdowns from the Kronk brothers, skaven thrower Kronk “the one from below” and gutter runner Kronk “the dimwit.”

One of the Kronks scores the Ol Rascals first of two TDs on the day

“I have to give their coach credit,” said Fleagles Coach Nickon Spearinme after the match. “Not just for being handsome, not just for shutting us out—but two rats with the same name! I have enough trouble keeping track of my vermin, and they got 11 different names. This guy must be a genius.”

In addition to holding the Fleagles high-flying offense scoreless, the Rascals were also the more physical team despite Filthasmellfia’s addition of rat ogre Ani-Mal Dankrat this week. With their own rat ogre Rukush “Eat Nose” leading the team with 8 successful blocks and one casualty, the Ol’ Rascals out blocked the Fleagles 45 to 28, producing 8 combined KOs and casualties.

“Not a lot went right for us out there today,” said Coach Spearinme during the postgame press conference. “Adding a rat ogre to the roster this week, we thought we had a chance to be more bashy than them today. But I guess I learned an important lesson. Trying to bash with a skaven team is kind of like trying to cut a knife with a wedge of cheese.”

The Fleagles looked to establish a physical advantage early in the game when the Rascals’ Rukush frenzy blitzed his way too near the western sidelines after his team secured the opening kick. Filthasmellfia’s three gutter runners and blitzer Ratdon Grime saw an opportunity to surf the hulking beast into the crowd to establish an early strength advantage. They were able to push him until his heels were just touching the sideline, but when gutter runner Devermin Sniff threw his body at Rukush, the rogre held strong, and both players went down in a hissing, snarling, pile of fur.

“Me’s thoughts me’s push-shoved that big guy rights out the game,” said Sniff. “Buts when I’d look-see’d up, there he was standings up again still on the fields, and me’s thoughts, ‘uh-ohs, now he’s angry.’”

Rukush gets to his feet on the sidelines as nearby Fleagles rethink their decision to try to surf him

Enraged, Rukush quickly went to work along the sideline, bashing away Grime and surfing two gutter runners, as Kronk crossed midfield and moved deep into Fleagles territory. With Rukush sending rats to the pitch, and the Rascals’ swarming snotlings tap-dancing on their prone bodies, the Ol’ Rascals quickly cleared a path toward the end zone and Kronk scored to put them up 1-0.

An Ol’ Rascal snotling seems to have trouble moving up the field without “accidentally” stomping on a prone Fleagles player

Coming out for the second half down four KO’d and injured players, the Fleagles saw the game quickly tilt further out of reach. As Rascals' snotlings swarmed the field once again, and the ref ran out of fingers to try to count the legal players on their side, the underworld squad bashed their way forward, breaking through the Fleagles blockers, and stealing the ball.

Once they took possession, the Rascals continued to press their advantage. Filthasmellfia soon lost their new rat ogre, Dankrat, to injury, leaving them unable to slow down the skaven thrower Kronk as he made his way toward the endzone for the Rascals’ second TD.

The other Kronk scores the Ol’ Rascals second TD to cap off the shutout victory

“Being short handed is never an excuse,” said Coach Spearinme. “I mean we had three gutter runners, and they only had one. So it’s all about what you do with what you have. And sure, there were definitely more snotlings on the field than there should have been. But come on! We’re talking about snotlings here. That just means you should have more gross little things stuck to the bottom of your shoe after the match.”

Fleagles Top Hindrance 2-1 on Last-Second Miracle TD

The Filthasmellfia Fleagles won a hard-fought match against the Hindrance black orc squad 2-1 on a last-second, desperation touchdown. The Fleagles got their 2 TDs from gutter runners Devermin Sniff and A.J. Brownrat, who leads the team with 4 touchdowns on the season. Hindrance scored on run by goblin Clyx, who rushed for a game-high 40 yards.

Clyx laughs maniacally on his way to the endzone for the TD that tied the game with just seconds remaining.

“I’m happy with the win,” said Coach Spearinme after the game. “But I got to say, I’m not happy wit the fact that a goblin outrushed our entire team. Give the little guy credit though. He was like a tiny green gutter runner out there.”

Filthasmellfia got its first TD midway through the first half on a hand off from thrower Skenny Snickett to Sniff near midfield. Snickett had received the kick off cleanly and settled back in a cage of blockers, scanning the field as his gutter runners set out on short, deep and intermediate routes. With his deep threat taken away after the goblin Nizur tap-danced on  A.J. Brownrat’s face deep in Hindrance territory and the troll Mok “Half-Ton” closing in on his blockers, Snickett kept his cool, escaped the pocket, and rushed up field to hand the ball to Sniff.

“I got to give Snickett credit; that rat really knows how to keep his head when things start to look tough,” said Coach Spearinme. “Our last thrower wasn’t so good at keeping his head. Well, to be fair, his head only fell off when we carried him off the field after a chaos blocker ripped open his throat in our second game. But you know what I mean.”

With defenders closing in on Snicket as he made the hand off, and blitzer Ratdon Grime throwing a key block that knocked black orc Arguntak “Shin-breaker” to the ground, Sniff was able to streak up field untouched. With a pesky goblin in pursuit, the gutter runner didn’t try to eat up any clock and skittered across the goal line for the TD midway through the half.

Devermin Sniff scores with one of Hindrance's goblins close behind.

Hindrance had plenty of time to go for the equalizer before halftime, but the aggressive Fleagles defense was up to the challenge. After kicking deep, the rats swarmed up field to cut off the goblin Clyx from his blockers. Even though the goblin scooped up the kick cleanly, he was soon in trouble, with only two other goblins nearby to block for him.

“Any time you got goblins blocking for goblins,” you know things are going your way,” said Coach Spearinme, who waved Brownrat forward to blitz the ball carrier. The gutter runner pounced on Clyx, raking his paw across teh goblin's arm as he sunk his teeth into his shoulder. Clyx and the ball hit the ground in a spray of blood, and Kenfilth Gainsmell immediately scooped up the ball. As he raced off toward the endzone to give the Fleagles a commanding 2-0 lead, the gutter runner forgot one thing—how to dodge.

Nizur, who was standing nearby, kicked out his tiny goblin foot, and, as Gainsmell was already beginning his touchdown dance, he tripped right over it, losing the ball and ending the chance for a defensive scoop-and-score. Though Hindrance was able to retake possession of the ball, the half ran out before they could cross midfield.

“You don’t expect a gutter runner to fail a dodge like that,” said Coach Spearinme after the game. “I mean, you expect them to get pounded into the grass, you expect them to kill each other out of petty jealousy, but tripping over a goblin foot … Usually that’s something they can avoid.”

After receiving the kick to start the second half, Clyx once again grabbed the ball for Hindrance. As he began to move up field, however, he was again cut off by the Fleagles aggressive defense, which tried to cut him off from his slower black orc blockers. The gambit paid of for Filthasmellfia as Grime blitzed Clyx from behind, driving his shoulder into the back of the goblin’s head near midfield.

As the ball bounced around the pitch, the Fleagles were unable to take possession, despite Grime getting his paws on it momentarily. Hindrance then used their strength advantage to regain control as black orcs thrashed rats around the field by their necks, arms, and tails. When the dust—and blood—settled, Clyx had regained possession and made his way up field, with the Fleagles now down to 6 conscious players on the pitch.

Asked if he regretted the aggressive defensive approach, Coach Spearinme defended his decision. “Look when you’re coaching rats against black orcs, you can either stand back and get bashed into the pitch, or you can charge forward and get bashed into the pitch,” he explained. “At least in the latter case, you’re moving forward. And you know what the great Mouskey Malboa said: ‘it’s not about how hard you hit—it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.’ Of course, the 5 players we had in the KO and injury box weren’t moving anywhere, but you get my meaning.”

The Fleagles had one last shot to keep Hindrance out of the endzone when Sniff charged through an opening Clyx’s cage of blockers and took a couple of swings at the goblin ball carrier. Miraculously, the little guy ducked not one but two swings from Sniff’s paws and then kicked a swift boot into Sniff’s nether regions, sending the gutter runner to the pitch. Giggling maniacally, Clyx then scampered into the endzone for the tying touchdown.

With only seconds left on the clock, it looked like Filthasmellfia would have to settle for a tie, but Spearinme began frantically shouting to his players to line up in an odd formation, crowding the line of scrimmage and the goblins lined up there. With all of the black orcs and the troll guarding the endzone, Fleagles blockers began furiously shoving the goblin Styx while the kick was in the air. Blitzer Jayflegm Ratter and linerat Jake Smelliot, pushed the goblin hard into Brownrat’s back, helping the gutter runner gain enough speed to get downfield before the clock expired.

With Brownrat streaking into Hindrance territory, Sniff scooped up the ball and flipped it forward to his teammate. The speed that the shoved goblin had given him had Brownrat poised to make it to the goal line in time, but there was one problem. The black orc Garak “The Bear” stood in his way, pounding his bloody mailed fist into his other hand, waiting not very patiently to take the gutter runner’s head off. 

With a feint to the left with his right foot and tail just as he approached the black orc, Brownrat spun and ducked as Garak swung wildly at him. But the brute hit only air as, Brownrat dodged past him and scored the winning touchdown just as the whistle blew.

A.J. Brownrat dodges around Garak at the goal line to score the last-second game-wining touchdown.

“We call that one the ‘Filthy Special’,” said Coach Spearinme. “Just a little something we were working on in practice. We picked it up from a college team actually—wood elves. I believe in elven they call it the ‘un tirn tee-dee.’ Hey, I don’t know what the literal translation is, but it sounds beautiful to me.”

Fleagles Suffer Heart-Breaking 2-1 Loss to London Orcish B.B.F.C. on Mysterious Blocking Miscue

Warning: This article contains an image that may be disturbing to all Blood Bowl coaches and any other adherents to the religion of Nuffle-ism. Read at your own risk.

The Filthasmellfia Fleagles suffered their first loss of the season in a heartbreaking 2-1 defeat vs. the London Orcish B.B.F.C. Despite snatching another first-half defensive TD, this time by gutter runner Devermin Sniff, the Fleagles were again unable to convert on their own offensive drive and gave up two TDs to the B.B.F.C.’s blitzers Kaarushk “Born Killer” and Ghorghor “Boom Boom.” The banged up skaven squad also suffered 4 casualties and 7 KOs in their second straight brutal match vs. an orc squad.

Devermin Sniff dodges away from two orcs to scoop up the ball and score.

“We really need to find a way to reduce those injury numbers,” said Fleagles Coach Nickon Spearinme during the postgame press conference. “I’ll be looking at every option this week, but right now the only idea I have is … uh … maybe … not play orcs?”

The Fleagles aggressive, ball-hawking defense once again led to an early score, but this time, the team got some magical assistance. Missing four players for the game, Filthasmellfia was awarded enough inducement gold to afford a wizard, so the team hired the services of junior sorceress Mirvis the Scattered. Once her fireball stunned the ball carrier, Kaarushk, and freed the ball deep in Orcish territory, the Fleagles quickly took advantage.

Linerat Jake Smelliot blitzed forward shoving goblin Uggix “Kneebreaker” back from the loose ball. Sniff spun away from the orc marking him, snatched up the ball with one paw, and scampered toward the endzone. Unwisely, however, Sniff slowed down to try to eat up some game clock. This gave orc blitzer Grushk “Dark Heart” time to catch the gutter runner from behind after Uggix managed to sink his teeth into Smelliot’s thigh, taking the linerat down and clearing a path for the blitz.

After Grushk delivered a forearm shiver to the back of Sniff’s head, he and the ball hit the pitch, and the Fleagles’ threat looked suddenly less threatening. Fortunately, Sniff was able to keep his wits about him, rolling away from the orcs’ stomping feet, grabbing the ball, and dodging his way into the end zone to put Filthasmellfia up 1-0 early.

Kaarushk and the ball are sent flying by a well-placed fireball.

“I’m really proud of our defensive effort today,” said Coach Spearinme. “Takeaways like that are something we’ve really been focusing on in practice, so it’s nice to see the fellas put it all together and make it pay off on the field. Of course, it does help when you can pay someone to conjure a huge ball of hellfire from the sky and unleash it upon the other team.”

The quick score left plenty of time in the half for London to mount a drive for the equalizer, setting up a cage after Kaarushk (recovered from minor fireball burns) easily claimed the ball off the kick off. From there, they methodically bashed their way down field, knocking out 5 rats in the process, and Kaarushk stormed across the goal line untouched to tie the game just before half time.

Receiving the second-half kick, the Fleagles were still in good shape to try for the 2-1 victory. Mostly, this was because all of their KO’d players awoke for the second half after Spearinme waved a hunk of moldy cheese inside an old sock soaked in raw sewage about the KO box. “That always gets the boys up and ready to skitter about,” he said after the match.

To try to eat up some clock and preserve his players before going for the go-ahead TD, Spearinme waved his rats back into a withdrawn offense after thrower Skenny Snickett scooped up the kickoff. The team slinked back toward the edge of its own goal line, with their gutter runners flanked wide and Snickett protected behind a cadre of blockers, as the orcs marched forward.

“Look, some people call this kind of offense cowardly,” said Spearinme, “but I tell you, it takes a lot of guts for those gutter runners to stand back there facing down a slowly approaching wall of pure green rage and not run off the field and out of the stadium. So let’s give the rodents some credit.”

Midway through the second half, however, as London’s big ‘un blocker Grulkas “Green Twilight” engaged Fleagles loner linerat Thuss along the eastern sideline, Filthasmellfia saw their chance, and it was time to stop slowly retreating and trembling with fear. Snickett could hand the ball to gutter runner, A.J. Brownrat, and a block followed by a blitz would clear a path for Brownrat to streak up field and put the approaching orcs out of reach.

Spearinme gave the signal, and two linerats ran forward to support Thuss. Thuss lowered his shoulder into Grulkas, knocking mass of green-skinned rage and aggression off his feet, and moving forward to get a paw on Takar “Dark Eye,” who was protecting the sideline behind Grulkas. Now, it was Smelliot’s turn to try for his second key block of the game.

With Thuss pawing at one of Takar’s arms, Smelliot had the clear advantage and looked sure to at the very least push the orc lineman aside. But then something strange happened. In the sky above the field, four great clouds of smoke appeared coalescing into roughly circular forms.

A young man in the stands was heard to say, “Look, it’s four small moons.” But a wizened sage beside him corrected him, saying ominously, “those are no moons.”

And then it became clear that the old man was right. The smoky clouds swirled, thunder rumbled in the distance, and the sky turned red. Suddenly, the shapes of empty eye sockets and grinning mouths appeared on each loud of smoke, forming what was now clearly a vision of four ghostly, laughing skulls hanging in the air above the stadium.

A mysterious vision of four skull-like clouds appears above the stadium. (Warning, adherents to the religion of Nuffle worship should avert their eyes from this image. This scribe is not responsible for any ill "luck" viewing this image causes in future matches.)

Distracted by the mysterious vision, Smelliot looked skyward and took his eye off of Tarkar, which is never a good idea when making a block, and is even less of a good idea when your opponent outweighs you 350 pounds to 135. As Smelliot took in the vision of the skulls and shuddered with fear, Tarkar delivered a solid green fist to his throat.

Smelliot collapsed to the pitch, gagging on his own blood and failing to clear a path for Brownrat. In the process, he also distracted his teammates so thoroughly with his shocking failure and his gurgling screams of pain, that they all stood stunned. Being much more used to gurgling screams of pain (many orc clans are known to use them as children’s nursery rhymes), the B.B.F.C. players were not stunned, and wasted no time in bludgeoning every skaven player they could reach.

They quickly separated Snickett from the ball as well as his consciousness, surfed Sniff out of the back of the endzone and into a crowd of orc fans who had a fun time trying to see if his ears were removable, and then scooped up the ball. In the midst of the melee, Tarkar also took revenge upon Tuss for his insulting block on his big’un teammate, by tearing off the linerat’s arm and swiftly beating him to death with it.

“It’s bad-means enoughs to kills the poor-sad little rat,” said a clearly shaken Smelliot after the game. “But to do’s it with his owns arm, is just cruel-evil. Thoughs I guess I am happy-glad, theys didn’t do’s it with my arm.”

With their ball-carrier, Ghorghor, protected by a solid cage of blockers just a few steps from the endzone and most of the Fleagles lying on the pitch (or dead in Tuss’s case), London was able to easily run out the remainder of the clock, score in the waning seconds, and win the game 2-1. Yet, despite the mass violence and winning TD, much of the crowd was still discussing the vision of the four skulls over the stadium, which had disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Some hold that it is the harbinger of a curse from “Nuffle” an ancient god some superstitious players and coaches still worship, but Spearinme was hesitant to give that theory any credence.

“All I can tell you is I’ve seen Smelliot make that block a hundred times in practice,” he said. “He can do it as easily as he can eat a hole through Hochland cheese. Today just wasn’t his day.”

When pressed further by the scribes about the legendary Quad Skulls curse, however, Spearinme finally snapped. “Yes, I’ve heard of Quad Skulls, OK?” he said. “Every coach has heard of Quad Skulls. I just don’t like to talk about it. I mean, the first rule of Quad Skulls is you do not talk about Quad Skulls, and … oh crap, I’m talking about Quad Skulls right now … I’ve said it like four times. Oh no! What have I … ? Never mind. Change the subject. Uh … all I want to say is I love the great and powerful Nuffle, and I accept all his gifts with grace and appreciation.”

Spearinme then knocked on the wooden podium, crossed and uncrossed his fingers several times, and threw several handfuls of salt over his shoulder before running out of the press conference in fear.

Ghorghor crosses the goal line to score the winning TD for London Orcish B.B.F.C.

 

 

Fleagles Manage 1-1 Tie Despite Heavy Losses vs. UKBBL Orcs

The Filthasmellfia Fleagles lost 6 players but not the game, managing a 1-1 tie vs. the aggressive and brutal UKBBL Orcs. A.J. Brownrat scored the lone TD for Filthasmellfia, while Juja got the equalizer for the Orcs. Despite managing to hold on for the tie, the Fleagles were thoroughly out-blocked 43-14 by the more physical orc squad, and the skaven armor did not hold up, with the rats suffering 5 casualties and 2 KOs on the day.

A.J . Brownrat dodges away from two orc defenders to put the Fleagles up 1-0 on an early scoop-and-score.

“We’re clearly going to need to make a move to get more physical as a squad, and I guess that means maybe heading to the slums of the Filthasmellfia undercity and seeing if we can recruit a rat ogre,” said Fleagles Coach  Nickon Spearinme after the game. “But honestly, the way this team’s armor is performing, and knowing how these rat ogres tend to be … temperamental, well, going that route could just lead to more of our own blood on the pitch.”

Filthasmellfia opened the scoring with a defensive touchdown in the first half after orc lineman Roach failed to cleanly secure the opening kick. Seeing their opportunity, the rats attempted to pounce. Ratdon Grime cleared a path on the eastern sideline, shoving orc blitzer Betty back so that A.J. Brownrat, Daratius Slay, and Kenfilth Gainsmell could skitter up the sideline and surround the ball deep in the Orcs' territory.

“Look, rats thrive on the misfortune of others, whether that’s spreading disease, stealing all the cheese out of the village larders, or sprinting up field when you fail to pick up the ball,” said Coach Spearinmne. “So I knew we needed to be aggressive to try to take advantage.”

The Orcs stayed calm despite the swarm of rats closing in on the ball in their backfield and began slowly bashing away Fleagles players. With gutter-runner like dexterity, Roach managed to snatch the bouncing ball out of the air amid all the bashing, despite the fact that Sniff was hanging off one of his legs and Slay was gnawing at his shoulder.

The aggressive strategy looked like it had failed the Fleagles, as the Orcs now seemed poised to bash through the over-committed defense. But Coach Spearinme didn’t pull back. “We were already pretty much all in at that point,” he explained. “So I figured we’d just go … What do you call it when you go even more all in? All-er in-er? Well, whatever you call it, that’s what we did.”

Spearinme signaled his players to continue harrying the ball carrier, and Grime dodged away from Betty, charged forward, and delivered a spinning back-paw to Roach’s chin as Slay bit into his Achilles tendon. The green brute tumbled to the turf, the ball bounced away, and the Fleagles now had possibly their last chance to take advantage.

Brownrat juked left and then spun right to get away from Big’un Blocker Arkan. Then he dove for the ball and snatched it up with his filth-crusted paws. Orc blitzer Tanya reached for him with a green fist much in the same way someone might reach out with a brick toward a rodent they’re trying to flatten. But the gutter runner leaped away with a lighting-quick dodge and sprinted into the endzone to give the Fleagles a 1-0 lead.

“Me’s knows me needs to be quick-fast to survive out there,” said Brownrat on how he was able to make such an unlikely series of agile moves to score the touchdown. “So my’s strategy-plan for scoring a touchdowns is pretty simples. I’d just tries to not gets killed-murdered. And if I’s not gets killed-murdered enough, sometimes me’s scores a touchdown.”

Despite Roach moving the Orcs deep into Fleagles’ territory after securing the ensuing kick off, Brownrat and his fellow gutter runners Devermin Sniff and Squeaquon Barkley surrounded the orc in the closing seconds to keep him from the endzone. In the process, however, they lost 3 more team members to orc fists in the final seconds and went into halftime up 1-0 on the scoreboard but down 11-5 in players.

“Worried? No, not at all,” said Coach Spearinme on his outlook on being short-handed for the second half. “It only takes one gutter runner to score a touchdown, and we still had 2.”

Nonetheless, Coach Spearinme seemed to take a conservative approach after receiving the second half kickoff, dropping all of his players back in a deep, withdrawn offense the elven teams have termed “the dakka.” With the team’s new thrower Skenny Snickett standing on his own goal line behind two blockers, while the gutter runners lined up wide, the Fleagles held the ball and waited for the Orcs to approach, as the clock ticked down.

The orcs closed in, and Snicektt hung in the pocket on the edge of his own goal line, patting the ball and making several pump fakes to try to confuse the approaching brutes. In a stunning display of cunning and intelligence, even Martin, the UKBBL Orcs’ untrained troll wasn’t fooled. The team pressed forward in a massive line of snarling green rage, crowding the Fleagles’ most dangerous scoring threat, Brownrat, with two players marking him and a third, Roach, nearby to make it hard for him to dodge away. But in so doing, the Orcs had also committed all of their players into Filthasmellfia’s half.

“This looked like our best chance to make a play,” said Coach Spearinme. “Those green-skinned fellas could smell blood … I mean, actually, we all could literally smell blood, because our team’s blood was all over the pitch by that point. But I mean metaphorically, they were coming in for the kill. But you can’t kill what you can’t catch, right? So I gave Snicket the signal to get the ball to Brownrat. All we needed was a catch, a couple of nifty dodges, and then he’d be off to the rat races.”

After a line-rat shoved away one of the orcs marking Brownrat, Snicket ran forward and handed the ball to his gutter runner. Martin grabbed for Brownrat’s shoulder, and loomed close enough to drool all over the gutter runner, but Brownrat took the hand-off cleanly, and dodged away from the hulking troll. A quick sprint up field looked sure to put the gutter runner in the clear with nothing to slow him down, ready to give the Fleagles a commanding 2-0 lead.

There was only one problem. As Brownrat dodged away from Martin, he ran directly into Roach’s elbow. That steel spiked armor pad in the snout did a bit more than slow the gutter runner down. It sent him sprawling to the pitch in a daze as the ball bounced away, and orc biltzer Juja quickly scooped it into his bloody hands.

Brownrat dodges away from the Orcs' troll Martin, smiling as he thinks he has a date with the endzone, little did he know he was headed toward a date with Juja's elbow instead.

From there, the Orcs made quick work of what little defense the rats could muster deep in their own territory. Bashing snouts, yanking out whiskers, and stomping on tails, they quickly cleared a path for Juja to score the equalizer, tying the game 1-1 a little more than halfway through the second half.

With only five Fleagles able to take the field for the ensuing kick-off, it looked like the Orcs would soon be able to get the ball back and bash their way to victory. But just before the ball was kicked, Spearinme was seen having a suspicious conversation with the goblin timekeeper. Afterwards, the gobbo appeared to start the game clock while the kick off was in the air, rather than waiting for the ball to be caught.

As a result of the extra time run-off, the Fleagles were able to stall in their own territory and run out the clock to preserve a 1-1 tie. “Hey, I like watching gutter runners skitter up and down the field scoring touchdowns as much as the next guy, but in order to do that they got to be able to run, or at least stand up,” Said Spearinme when asked about his suddenly conservative approach at the end of the game. “But there’s a time to be aggressive, and then there’s a time to pay off the ref to run out the clock, and … er, I mean, and then there’s a time to be a little more cautious."

Juja scores the tying TD with a cadre of orc blockers and very little resistance from the badly inured Fleagles.

The tie brings the Fleagles to 1-2-0 on season, currently in 5^th place in the UKBBL Kolsa Hills East Division. But the road ahead doesn’t look to get any easier for Filthasmellfia, as they prepare to face off against another orc squad in London Orcish B.B.F.C., who are currently undefeated, at 3-0 on the season. To make matters worse they’ll be taking the field without 4 players in their starting lineup, including 2 blitzers and 1 gutter runner.

Fleagles Top Black Rock Brutes 2-1 With Stunning, Unlikely Second-Half Rally

 

The Filthasmellfia Fleagles pulled off a late-game miracle to steal a 2-1 victory from the Black Rock Brutes in their second game in the UKBBL’s Kolsa Hills East Dvivision. Despite suffering 2 rat casualties, 6 KOs, and 1 death, the Fleagles got a pair of touchdowns from gutter runners Devermin Sniff and A.J. Brownrat. The Brutes got their lone TD from beastman Nadzybar “The Archon of Chaos” and were poised for a 2-1 grind victory of their own until a second-half desperation blitz by Sniff turned the game around.

Devermin Sniff, who would later make a game changing sideline blitz, scores the opening TD in the rain to put Filthasmellfia up 1-0

“Heck of a play by Sniff there,” said Fleagles Coach Nickon Spearinme. “Asking a gutter runner to make a physical play like that is about as smart as hiring a beast of Nurgle as a pediatrician, but we were in a tough spot, and sometimes these little fellas have to do more than dodge.”

Filthasmellfia opened the scoring in the first half on a touchdown scamper up the eastern sideline by Sniff. With the pouring rain making the ball hard to handle, skaven thrower Jaflegm Squirtz set up as a blocker, while the more agile Sniff went for the ball. Despite bobbling it once, Sniff soon secured the ball and slowly approached midfield behind a screen of blockers.

Forced to be one of those blockers, Squirtz looked less than comfortable with this new role. As chaos chosen blocker Abadon “Blood Legion” blitzed, the skaven thrower appeared to close his eyes, turn away and whimper.

“Yeah, apparently, there’s a reason they call those guys throwers and not blockers,” said Coach Spearinme.

Defenseless, Squirtz took a brutal punch from the chosen blocker’s mailed fist directly in the side of his neck. The blow opened a deep wound that gushed a fountain of blood, and as Squirtz slowly slumped to the pitch, it was clear he was dead.

“At first I thought, yeah, that’s gonna leave a mark,” recounted Coach Spearinme. “Then I thought, that’s a lot of blood. Then I got a little dizzy and threw up on the sidelines. And then, I was like, crap our thrower’s dead. Poor guy never even got to make a pass, and I really thought he had a bright future ahead of him. Former Cheesman Trophy winner, great leadership potential. Ah, well, we’ll make sure we send a rotting-garbage basket to his family with our condolences.”

Jayflegm Squirtz cowers in fear moments before Abadon delivers the death blow.

Unfazed by Squirtz’s death, Sniff dodged his way up the sideline and moved deep into the Brutes’ territory with a cadre of blockers. As beastmen and chosen blockers closed in, however, Sniff was unable to milk much more time off the clock and scored a little over halfway through the first half. 

After catching the ensuing kick despite the downpour, Brutes’ beastman Invictus “World Eater” was able to move quickly into Filthaspellfia territory. The rats raced downfield to try to cut off his path to the endzone as the clock ticked down the final seconds. Racing to get into position, blitzer Ratdon Grime tripped over his own tail, leaving a slight opening. The Brutes quickly took advantage, punching away as many rats as they could, as Invictus handed the ball to Nadzybar, who raced across the goal line just before the halftime whistle.

“I guess we scored a little too quickly, and gave them too much time for the equalizer,” said Spearinme. “That’s the problem with skaven. They tend to do everything with a little too much speed. I mean, they also tend to do everything with too many fleas flying around them and too much rotting garbage in their mouths, but those are different issues.”

Nadzybar scores just before half time to tie the game 1-1

Down 2 players going into the second half, the Fleagles’ only hope for a win or a tie looked to be the rain keeping the Brutes from securing the ball. But beastman Taramino “Warsmith” easily scooped up the kick off, and Black Rock put their numbers advantage to use, bashing a slow path up field. The winning touchdown looked to be inevitable, as the Fleagles lost 2 more players to KOs, but then a glimmer of a chance opened up as Taramino ran along the sideline with only one blocker and the few skavens on the field were able to stay on their feet and tie up multiple Brute blockers.

Filthasmelfia had two options. The conservative play would be to dodge up field, threaten the runner, and force a score with enough time on the clock to still tie the game. The aggressive option—send a gutter runner on a desperation two-against-one sideline blitz and pray for a crowd surf.

“That’s one of those plays you look at and you say, on paper it’s a bad idea, on the field it’s a bad idea, heck, even in the deepest cavern of the Under-Empire it’s a bad idea” said Spearinme. “But I was running out of ideas and running out of rats, so I figured, why not?”

Spearinme signaled Sniff to blitz, and the little gutter runner charged at the beastman. Leaping into the air, he threw all 98 pounds soaking wet (literally!) of rodent body at Taramino. The collision was just enough to push the beastman off the pitch, where the crowd stomped on him, grabbed away the ball and threw it up field.

“I justs thoughts of itsss like dodging in reverse,” said Sniff of his miracle sideline blitz. “Insteads of scampering aways from the beastman, I trieds to scamper though hims.”

Brownrat ran into Brutes’ territory, scooped the ball off the muddy pitch, and sprinted toward paydirt. But he wasn’t able to break into the clear, as a beastman grabbed the gutter runner by the tail and slammed him onto the pitch. From there, a muddy scrum broke out near midfield. The Brutes regained possession of the ball, but Filthasmellfia line rat Doormouse Goddirt threw a fist spike into the beastman ball carrier’s ribs, and the ball bounced off a few wet paws and hands before splashing into a mud puddle right beside Brownrat, who still lay stunned on the pitch.

Shaking off the cobwebs, Brownrat rolled through the mud to dodge away from the beastman beside him, grabbed the ball, got to his feet ,and raced up field into the clear. Golgoth “Tainted Son” gave chase but was unable to catch Brownrat, falling at the gutter runner’s feet as the rat high-stepped his way into the endzone to give the Fleagles a 2-1 win.

A.J. Brown rat scampers off for the winning TD as Golgoth loses his footing behind him.

“In this game, you got to be tough and you got to be lucky,” said Spearinme on the unlikely win. “And sometimes, like today, when you’re not being that tough and nearly half your rats are feeding fleas in the KO and casualty boxes, well, then you just got to be extra lucky.”

Fleagles Squeak Out 1-1 Tie in Sloppy but Physical Performance vs. Verminlords

The Filthasmellfia Fleagles kicked off their inaugural season in the UKBBL’s Kolsa Hills East division with a sloppy but physical 1-1 tie vs. the Verminlords. The Verminlords got their TD from gutter runner Jonny B Goode, while the Fleagles got their late-game equalizer from Squeakwon Barkley, who led all rats with 45 rushing yards. Surprisingly, the Fleagles, who have historically relied on speed and finesse, out-bashed their opponents with 5 combined casualties and KOs on the day, including the murder of linerat Bob Tail and the injury of rat ogre The Big Show, who suffer a severely bruised tail.

Barkley scores the equalizer late in the second half to salvage a tie for the Fleagles.

“I told my players before the game, ‘don’t worry about the snout—go for the tail,’ ” said Filthasmellfia Coach Nickon Spearinme on the team’s approach to taking on the rat ogre. “Those things are prehensile, and that means they’re sensitive too. Getting Big Show off the field in the first half was huge for us. Not just because it removed their biggest physical threat, but also because it removed the swarm of fleas following him around, which made it hard for me to see the field.”

Spearinme’s difficulty seeing the field coupled with problems communicating with his players was evident early in the game in several costly mistakes that enabled the Verminlords to quickly take advantage. After receiving the opening kick, Goode broke into the open deep in Fleagles territory after a curious move by Fleagles blitzer Ratdon Grime. While Filthasmellfia was attempting to slow down the Verminlords drive, Grime charged one of the linerats blocking for Goode. Rather than blitzing the player however, Grime ran up to him and apparently began to try to dance around him in a triangle pattern. The Verminlord linerat merely hissed at Grime in confusion and then took him to the ground with a swift claw to the face.

“Yeah, I’m still working out some kinks with the skaven language,” explained Spearinme, a human coach trying to manage a skaven team for the first time in his career. “At first, I thought it was basically just the common tongue with a lot of extra s’s, squeaks, and  hisses thrown in there. I didn’t realize when I told Grime to ‘blitzes-squeak,’ that word actually means ‘celebrate the Underfather by dancing around your opponent in the form of the three bars crossed.’ Anyway, lesson learned. We’re going to work this week to get that sorted out for the next game.”

The miscue allowed the well-positioned Verminlords to score easily with a few minutes left in the half. Filthasmellfia’s coaching struggles continued on their own possession as another questionable failed dodge left gutter runner A.J. Brownrat exposed to a brutal hit from a Verminlord blitzer that separated him from the ball, ending any potential threat the Fleagles could mount to tie before half time.

In the melee that followed, however, Fleagles linerat Jake Smelliot found himself snout to snout with The Big Show. As he appeared to try to flee from the rat ogre in a panic, Smelliot stepped on the hulking brute’s tail, knocking him out of the game.

“Yessss, I’s definitey’s dids that on purposes,” said Smelliot. “I was nots running aways. I was going for the tail, like coach saids.”

The Big Show yelps in pain as Smelliot stomps on his tail, curiously running in the opposite direction.

With the Big Show off the field for the second half, Filthasmellfia was able to put together a long drive that allowed gutter runner Squeakwon Barkley to break deep into Verminlords territory. After losing and recovering the ball and then stalling for the final minutes, Barkely crossed the goal line to salvage a tie for the Fleagles, despite the fact that they were thoroughly outcoached in the game.

“We’re going to have to clean that up if we want to have any shot in this league,” said Spearinme. “To try to improve our communication, I’m planning on taking the rats out to a team dinner tonight. I don’t know much about what these guys like to eat, but I’m thinking a fondue joint might be a good call.”