Fleagles Squeak Out 1-1 Tie in Sloppy but Physical Performance vs. Verminlords

The Filthasmellfia Fleagles kicked off their inaugural season in the UKBBL’s Kolsa Hills East division with a sloppy but physical 1-1 tie vs. the Verminlords. The Verminlords got their TD from gutter runner Jonny B Goode, while the Fleagles got their late-game equalizer from Squeakwon Barkley, who led all rats with 45 rushing yards. Surprisingly, the Fleagles, who have historically relied on speed and finesse, out-bashed their opponents with 5 combined casualties and KOs on the day, including the murder of linerat Bob Tail and the injury of rat ogre The Big Show, who suffer a severely bruised tail.

Barkley scores the equalizer late in the second half to salvage a tie for the Fleagles.

“I told my players before the game, ‘don’t worry about the snout—go for the tail,’ ” said Filthasmellfia Coach Nickon Spearinme on the team’s approach to taking on the rat ogre. “Those things are prehensile, and that means they’re sensitive too. Getting Big Show off the field in the first half was huge for us. Not just because it removed their biggest physical threat, but also because it removed the swarm of fleas following him around, which made it hard for me to see the field.”

Spearinme’s difficulty seeing the field coupled with problems communicating with his players was evident early in the game in several costly mistakes that enabled the Verminlords to quickly take advantage. After receiving the opening kick, Goode broke into the open deep in Fleagles territory after a curious move by Fleagles blitzer Ratdon Grime. While Filthasmellfia was attempting to slow down the Verminlords drive, Grime charged one of the linerats blocking for Goode. Rather than blitzing the player however, Grime ran up to him and apparently began to try to dance around him in a triangle pattern. The Verminlord linerat merely hissed at Grime in confusion and then took him to the ground with a swift claw to the face.

“Yeah, I’m still working out some kinks with the skaven language,” explained Spearinme, a human coach trying to manage a skaven team for the first time in his career. “At first, I thought it was basically just the common tongue with a lot of extra s’s, squeaks, and  hisses thrown in there. I didn’t realize when I told Grime to ‘blitzes-squeak,’ that word actually means ‘celebrate the Underfather by dancing around your opponent in the form of the three bars crossed.’ Anyway, lesson learned. We’re going to work this week to get that sorted out for the next game.”

The miscue allowed the well-positioned Verminlords to score easily with a few minutes left in the half. Filthasmellfia’s coaching struggles continued on their own possession as another questionable failed dodge left gutter runner A.J. Brownrat exposed to a brutal hit from a Verminlord blitzer that separated him from the ball, ending any potential threat the Fleagles could mount to tie before half time.

In the melee that followed, however, Fleagles linerat Jake Smelliot found himself snout to snout with The Big Show. As he appeared to try to flee from the rat ogre in a panic, Smelliot stepped on the hulking brute’s tail, knocking him out of the game.

“Yessss, I’s definitey’s dids that on purposes,” said Smelliot. “I was nots running aways. I was going for the tail, like coach saids.”

The Big Show yelps in pain as Smelliot stomps on his tail, curiously running in the opposite direction.

With the Big Show off the field for the second half, Filthasmellfia was able to put together a long drive that allowed gutter runner Squeakwon Barkley to break deep into Verminlords territory. After losing and recovering the ball and then stalling for the final minutes, Barkely crossed the goal line to salvage a tie for the Fleagles, despite the fact that they were thoroughly outcoached in the game.

“We’re going to have to clean that up if we want to have any shot in this league,” said Spearinme. “To try to improve our communication, I’m planning on taking the rats out to a team dinner tonight. I don’t know much about what these guys like to eat, but I’m thinking a fondue joint might be a good call.”