Fleagles Bashed and Beaten by Ol’ Rascals in 2-0 Shutout

The Filthasmellfia Fleagles dropped to 2-2-2 on the season in a disappointing shutout at the hands, paws, and fists of the Ol’ Rascals. The Ol’ Rascals underworld squad got two touchdowns from the Kronk brothers, skaven thrower Kronk “the one from below” and gutter runner Kronk “the dimwit.”

One of the Kronks scores the Ol Rascals first of two TDs on the day

“I have to give their coach credit,” said Fleagles Coach Nickon Spearinme after the match. “Not just for being handsome, not just for shutting us out—but two rats with the same name! I have enough trouble keeping track of my vermin, and they got 11 different names. This guy must be a genius.”

In addition to holding the Fleagles high-flying offense scoreless, the Rascals were also the more physical team despite Filthasmellfia’s addition of rat ogre Ani-Mal Dankrat this week. With their own rat ogre Rukush “Eat Nose” leading the team with 8 successful blocks and one casualty, the Ol’ Rascals out blocked the Fleagles 45 to 28, producing 8 combined KOs and casualties.

“Not a lot went right for us out there today,” said Coach Spearinme during the postgame press conference. “Adding a rat ogre to the roster this week, we thought we had a chance to be more bashy than them today. But I guess I learned an important lesson. Trying to bash with a skaven team is kind of like trying to cut a knife with a wedge of cheese.”

The Fleagles looked to establish a physical advantage early in the game when the Rascals’ Rukush frenzy blitzed his way too near the western sidelines after his team secured the opening kick. Filthasmellfia’s three gutter runners and blitzer Ratdon Grime saw an opportunity to surf the hulking beast into the crowd to establish an early strength advantage. They were able to push him until his heels were just touching the sideline, but when gutter runner Devermin Sniff threw his body at Rukush, the rogre held strong, and both players went down in a hissing, snarling, pile of fur.

“Me’s thoughts me’s push-shoved that big guy rights out the game,” said Sniff. “Buts when I’d look-see’d up, there he was standings up again still on the fields, and me’s thoughts, ‘uh-ohs, now he’s angry.’”

Rukush gets to his feet on the sidelines as nearby Fleagles rethink their decision to try to surf him

Enraged, Rukush quickly went to work along the sideline, bashing away Grime and surfing two gutter runners, as Kronk crossed midfield and moved deep into Fleagles territory. With Rukush sending rats to the pitch, and the Rascals’ swarming snotlings tap-dancing on their prone bodies, the Ol’ Rascals quickly cleared a path toward the end zone and Kronk scored to put them up 1-0.

An Ol’ Rascal snotling seems to have trouble moving up the field without “accidentally” stomping on a prone Fleagles player

Coming out for the second half down four KO’d and injured players, the Fleagles saw the game quickly tilt further out of reach. As Rascals' snotlings swarmed the field once again, and the ref ran out of fingers to try to count the legal players on their side, the underworld squad bashed their way forward, breaking through the Fleagles blockers, and stealing the ball.

Once they took possession, the Rascals continued to press their advantage. Filthasmellfia soon lost their new rat ogre, Dankrat, to injury, leaving them unable to slow down the skaven thrower Kronk as he made his way toward the endzone for the Rascals’ second TD.

The other Kronk scores the Ol’ Rascals second TD to cap off the shutout victory

“Being short handed is never an excuse,” said Coach Spearinme. “I mean we had three gutter runners, and they only had one. So it’s all about what you do with what you have. And sure, there were definitely more snotlings on the field than there should have been. But come on! We’re talking about snotlings here. That just means you should have more gross little things stuck to the bottom of your shoe after the match.”